I have been told laughter is the best medicine. I hope so or we've just wasted more electronic real estate on yet another page.

  Senior citizens' resources

Jokes are like food. Some spicy, some not.

Spicy is mild, medium or hot. The jokes on this page will never be hot.

Not because we are prudes but there are too many sites with such humor for me to try to compete against.

Thess pages are a result of the humor remedy mentioned in the manual. Hopefully, you'll get a chcukle or two and pass along these pages to your friends.

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A tour bus driver is driving with a bus load of seniors down a highway when he is tapped on his shoulder by a little old lady. She offers him a handful of peanuts, which he gratefully munches up.

After about 15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder again and she hands him
another handful of peanuts.

She repeats this gesture about five more times.  

When she is about to hand him another batch, he asks the little old lady, "Why don't you eat the peanuts yourself?"

"We can't chew them because we don't have any teeth", she replied.

The puzzled driver asks, "Why do you buy them then?"

The old lady replied, "Because we love the chocolate around them."

There is a new study out about women and how they feel about their asses!

I thought the results were pretty interesting:

85% of women think their ass is too fat...

10% of women think their ass is too skinny....

The other 5% say that they don't care, they love him, he's a good man, and they would have married him anyway.
The Medical Association researchers have made a remarkable discovery. It seems some patients needing blood transfusions may benefit from receiving chicken blood rather than human blood. It tends to make the men cocky and the women lay better.

Just thought you'd like to know.
Reasons why the English language is so hard to learn:

1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
2) The farm was used to produce produce.
3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
4) We must polish the Polish furniture.
5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it
   was time to present the present.
8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10) I did not object to the object.
11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
13) They were too close to the door to close it.
14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.
15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
18) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
19) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
20) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
Just A Thought...

I think the life cycle is all backwards!  You should die first, you know, start out dead, get it out of the way.  You wake up in an old age home, feeling better every day. You get kicked out for being too healthy, go collect your pension, then, when you start work, you get a gold watch on your first day. You work  40 years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement. You enjoy life, you party, and you get ready for High School. You go to primary school, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities, you become a baby, then, you spend your last 9 months floating peacefully with luxuries like central heating, spa, room service on tap, larger quarters everyday, and then you finish off as an orgasm! 
A husband and wife are getting ready for bed. The wife is standing in front of a full length mirror taking a hard look at herself, and she doesn't like what she sees.

"You know," she says, "I look in the mirror and I see an old woman. My face is all wrinkled, my boobs hang down to my waist and my butt is bigger than ever. I've got short, fat legs and my arms are all flabby."
The husband says nothing.
"Hey!" she says, turning to him. "Tell me something positive to make me feel better about myself!"
"Well," he says, "your eyesight is still great!"
Three sisters ages 92, 94 and 96 live in a house together.  One night the 96 year old draws a bath.  She puts her foot in and pauses.  She yells to the other sisters, "Was I getting in or out of the bath?"

The 94 year old yells back, "I don't know I'll come up and see."  She starts up the stairs and pauses "Was I going up the stairs or down?"

The 92 year old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea listening to her sisters.  She shakes her head and says, "I sure hope I never get that forgetful, knock on wood."  She then yells, "I'll come up and help both of you as soon as I see who's at the door."
Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades.  Over the years, they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures.  Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards.

One day, they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said, "Now don't get mad at me ... I know we've been friends for a long time, but I just can't think of your name! I've thought and thought, but I can't remember it.  Please tell me what your name is."

Her friend glared at her.  For at least three minutes she just stared and glared at her.  Finally she said, "How soon do you need to know?"
Two elderly women were out driving in a large car - both could barely see over the dashboard.  As they were cruising along, they came to an intersection.  The stoplight was red, but they just went on through.  The woman in the passenger seat thought
to herself "I must be losing it.  I could have sworn we just went through a red light."

After a few more minutes, they came to another intersection and the light was red again.  Again, they went right through.  The woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red but was really concerned that she was losing it.  She
was getting nervous.

At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was red and they went on through.  So, she turned to the other woman and said, "Mildred, did you know that we just ran through three red lights in a row?  You could have killed us both!"

Mildred turned to her and said, "Oh! Am I driving?" 
2 dumb fishermen decided to rent a boat on a lake, and after fishing for 4 hours at various places around the lake with no luck at all, decided to try one more spot before calling it quits,

Suddenly things started to happen, and they caught their limit inside of twenty minutes. Paul said, "Hey we should mark this spot, so next time we'll know where to come,"

"Good idea" says Jim and he took out a can of spray paint and made a large X on the floor of the boat to mark the spot.

"That's stupid" says Paul "Now anyone who rents this boat will know our secret spot."
A guy shopping in a supermarket noticed a little old lady following him around. If he stopped, she stopped. Furthermore she kept staring at him.

She finally overtook him at the checkout, and she turned to him and said, "I hope I haven't made you feel ill at ease; it's just that you look so much like my late son."

He answered, "That's okay."

"I know it's silly, but if you'd call out "Good bye, Mom" as I leave the store, it would make me feel so happy."

She then went through the checkout and as she was on her way out of the store, the man called out,  "Goodbye, Mother."

The little old lady waved and smiled back at him.

Pleased he had brought a little sunshine into someone's day, he went to pay for his groceries.

"That comes to $121.85," said the clerk.

"How come so much ... I only bought 5 items.."

"The clerk replied, "Yeah, but your Mother said you'd pay for her things, too."

Defense Attorney:

Will you please state your age?

Little Old Lady:

I am 86 years old.

Defense Attorney:

Will you tell us, in your own words, what happened the night of April 1st?

Little Old Lady:

There I was, sitting there in my swing on my front porch on a warm spring evening,

when a young man comes creeping up on the porch and sat down beside me.

Defense Attorney:

Did you know him?

Little Old Lady:

No, but he sure was friendly.

Defense Attorney:

What happened after he sat down?

Little Old Lady:

He started to rub my thigh.

Defense Attorney:

Did you stop him?

Little Old Lady:

No, I didn't stop him.

Defense Attorney:

Why not ?

Little Old Lady:

It felt good. Nobody had done that since my Albert died some 30 years ago.

Defense Attorney:

What happened next?

Little Old Lady:

He began to rub my breasts.

Defense Attorney:

Did you stop him then?

Little Old Lady:

No, I did not stop him

Defense Attorney:

Why not?

Little Old Lady:

His rubbing made me feel all alive and excited. I haven't felt that good in years!

Defense Attorney:

What happened next?

Little Old Lady:

Well, by then, I was feeling so "spicy" that I just laid down and told him

"Take me, young man. Take me now!"

Defense Attorney:

Did he take you?

Little Old Lady:

Hell, no! He just yelled, "April Fool!" And that's when I shot him, the little bastard.





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