SENIOR 2 SENIOR
 "ACCESSING THE WISDOM OF THE AGES"
I have been told laughter is the best medicine. I hope so or we've just wasted some electronic real estate on another page.
 

  

Jokes are like food. Some spicy, some not.

Spicy is mild, medium or hot. The jokes on this page will never be hot.

Not because we are prudes but there are too many sites with such humor for me to try to compete against.

Thess pages are a result of the humor remedy mentioned in the manual. Hopefully, you'll get a chcukle or two and pass along this page to your friends.

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THIRTY LINES TO MAKE YOU SMILE

1.. My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn't.

2.. I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.

3.. I Work Hard Because Millions On Welfare Depend on Me!

4.. Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.

5.. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

6.. Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive.

7.. You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me

8.. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

9.. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.

10.. I'm not a complete idiot -- Some parts are missing.

11.. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

12. NyQuil, the stuffy, sneezy, why-the-heck-is-the-room-spinning medicine.

13.. God must love stupid people; He made so many.

14.. The gene pool could use a little chlorine.

15.. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.

16.. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

17.. Being "over the hill" is much better than being under it!

18.. Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew up.

19.. Procrastinate Now!

20.. I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts; Do You Want Fries With That?

21.. A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

22.. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance

23.. Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!

24..They call it PMS because MadCow Disease was already taken.

25..He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless dead.

26..A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three thousand times the memory.

27..Ham and eggs. A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig.

28.. The trouble with life is there's no background music.

29.. The original point and click interface was a Smith and Wesson.

30.. I smile! because I don't know what the hell is going on.
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It was a depressing, dreary day.  I was at the Post Office.  The line was long and people were griping about the hot, wet weather. 

When I finished with the clerk she asked, "Is there anything else you would like?"  In a very serious stage voice I replied, "Yes, a scotch & soda and some wild sex!" 

All the people in line broke out laughing.

The very pretty woman next in line said softly, "May I have bourbon
instead of scotch?"  Now that was an offer hard to resist. 

Oh dear, I decided to get outta there at once while my resolve was intact but I
couldn't resist one of my favorite lines, "My dear," I replied, "It has been so long since I've had sex I can't remember who gets tied up!" 

Once again hysterical laughter broke out.  I'll bet a dollar to a donut the story was repeated many times later that day.
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Two New Jersey hunters go hunting. After a while, one of the hunters clutches his throat and falls to the ground, his eyes roll back, and he's lying there motionless. The other one picks up a cell phone, dials 911, and says, "I think my friend is dead! I don't know what to do!" And the operator says, "Just relax. Calm down. The first thing to do is to make certain your friend is dead." There's a pause -- then a gunshot. And the hunter gets back on the phone and says, "Okay. Now what?"
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Head of Household 


When everybody on earth was dead and waiting to enter Paradise, God appeared and said, "I want the men to make two lines. One line for the men who were true heads of their household and the other line for the men who were dominated by their women. I want all the women to report to St Peter."

Soon, the women were gone and there were two lines of men. The line of the men who were dominated by their wives was 1000 miles long, and in the line of men who truly were heads of their household, there was only one man.

God said, "You men should be ashamed of yourselves. I created you to be the head of your household. You have been disobedient and not fulfilled your purpose. I told you to be the spiritual leader in your family. Of all of you, only one obeyed.

Learn from him. Tell them, my son, how did you manage to be the only one in this line?"

The man replied, "I don't know, my wife told me to stand here."
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IMPORTANT SCIENCE NEWS....


Note: We do not vouch for the accuracy of this news release but it does have a certain amount of firmness in its overtone.

In Pharmacology, all drugs have two names, a trade name and generic name. For example, the trade name of Tylenol also has a generic name of Acetaminophen. Aleve is also called Naproxen. Amoxil is also called Amoxicillin and Advil is also called Ibuprofen.

The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra. After careful consideration by a team of government experts, it recently announced it has settled on the generic name of Mycoxafloppin. Also considered were mycoxafailin, Mydixadrupin, Mydixarizin, Dixafix, and of course, Ibepokin.

 
Pfizer Corp. announced today VIAGRA will soon be available in liquid form, and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer. It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one. Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink, and it gives new meaning to the names of "cocktails", "highballs" and just a good old-fashioned "stiff drink." Pepsi will market the new concoction by the name of: "MOUNT & DO"
 
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While my wife and I were shopping at a mall, a shapely young woman in a short, form-fitting dress strolled by.

My eyes followed her.

Without looking up from the item she was examining, my wife asked, "Was it worth the trouble you're in?"
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After hearing that one of the patients in a mental hospital had saved another from a suicide attempt by pulling him out of a bathtub, the director reviewed the rescuer's file and called him into his office.

"Mr. James, your records and your heroic behavior indicate that you're ready to go home. I'm only sorry that the man you saved later killed himself with a rope around the neck."

"Oh, he didn't kill himself," Mr. James replied. "I hung him up to dry."
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Recently I was grading history tests for my fourth-grade class.

I'd included an extra-credit question: List up to five good facts about Abraham Lincoln.

One of my D students surprised me with this one: "After the war ended, Lincoln took his wife to a show."
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Three weeks after her wedding day, Joanna called her minister.

"Reverend," she wailed, "John and I had a DREADFUL fight!"

"Calm down, my child," said the minister, "it's not half as bad as you think. Every marriage has to have its first fight!"

"I know, I know!" said Joanna. "But what am I going to do with the BODY?"
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